Archive for May, 2008
Quick…
“If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn’t Be Hard” by Sheri Dew… perfect book to help with the hard time I’m going through.
I just spent $36 and didn’t even fill up my car with gas. It’s $4.00 a gallon now!
I’m drained… I took on another job at the MTC working custodial from 4am to 8am. I’ve been there 2 weeks and already I’m tired. I mean, I finish all my work extremely fast but the hard part is trying find things to do after. Most of the time I end up going upstairs to the office and chatting it up with the missionaries. 2 of the elders who are brand new came in on Tuesday and announced they were to be serving in California but were originally from my mission area! It was so exciting to sit and talk with them about missionaries we knew. 
I’ve been reading the scriptures every day when I get home. The spirit of the MTC is alive and kicking with me when I leave there ever morning! I want so badly to teach there. But I’m not a BYU student and there and normally hundreds of students applying… I’ll just have to wait another year, I guess.
My therapist today told me that I should sketch out what I want in life and how I plan to achive it. Also, to stop putting everything on myself. The thing is, I have to take responsibility for everything! I live on my own, I pay my own bills, I am living the single woman’s life. Yes, granted I do agree that I shouldn’t go to school right now – I can’t afford it anyway. And I probably would just burn out a week or so into the class. I just wish I could devote my time to something. I have serious ADD I swear!
Darn, It’s already 10:36. I need to go to sleep to be up by 3am. Goodnight.
Add comment May 30, 2008
Recovery
It has been 4 days since my surgery. It went well. They took out 50% of the cartilage in my knee. I’ve been laying in a bed at my parent’s home for what feels like weeks but has only been days. Slowly I’m regaining my strength.
As I sat in the hospital bed waiting to have my surgery the one person who I wanted to have there never showed. It’s over between us. The hospital bit was the last straw. He’d said he’d be there but in classic style he wasn’t. He says he loves me, wants me to wait for him – yet, he has no problem dating someone else… I tried to bring up the status declaring it that he’d posted on FaceBook (“I’m going to see a movie with an amazing person”) and he called me accusative, and that I was jealous of him going out with friends. Heck yes I will be! When was the last time you gave me flowers (never, but he gave them to my room mate he didn’t know), When was the last time you called me “amazing”?, When was the last time you took me out on a date? When was the last time you even told me you loved me?!
The Lord had told me that when I met my husband I’d know and have no doubt… But with him, I have nothing but doubt. I’m done.. It’s over! I’M ENDING IT!
My best friend just came home from her mission moments ago. I’m so excited to have her home! I’ve needed a girlfriend to cry to. She’s heard the drama over emails, but now she gets to experience it in person…
Well I must rest. Goodnight!
Add comment May 7, 2008
I’m Scared
About two weeks ago I received a blessing from my friends Ryan and Rob. I was told that my knee would be healed through trained surgeons and doctors. That my injury was a blessing because I’d be allowed to rededicate my life to the Lord.
Well today I met with my doctor. I’m scheduled to have surgery tomorrow afternoon at 12:30pm. I’m scared to death… At first it wasn’t really registering – I don’t fully think it is yet… But i’m scared. I’ve asked someone I love to be there, I hope he can make it. He was with me when I got my MRI… The whole time I didn’t want him to leave my side. He’s the only one I know who makes me feel, truly safe. He said he’ll try to make it.
The nurse from the hospital called to tell me to be there at 12:30pm but in her excitement she forgot to tell me what hospital! So I went nuts trying to call her back but getting no luck. No one could find me on the schedule… So now I have to call my doctor’s office in the morning to see if they can tell me where I’m supposed to be. It’s 11:06pm. 20 minutes ago I had my last thing to drink for the rest of the evening and day.
I can’t believe this… I’m going to have surgery. The doctor showed me what happened to my meniscus… A huge piece of cartilage tore off and had lodged itself between my two leg bones, preventing the ability to bend. The doctor said that my tare was extremely bad. I asked him what to do and he said he wanted to fix it.
So I’ll be out of work for 2 weeks. I’ll be laying pretty much all day… Oh boy… I don’t want to be alone. I need someone with me… I want him… but he and I aren’t even in a relationship… I’m scared…
1 comment May 2, 2008
