Grrr… I’m so lazy!

Okay, I’m SORRY!!! I haven’t updated since September! Geez, I’m such a procrastinator. I see this page every day when I open my Firefox cause it’s set as my home page. AH! BUT! I’m here now… So I will update.

Oh good heavens, where do I start?!  Erm.. Life for the most part is going well. I’m doing really well in my art class.  I’m actually starting to like oil painting.  My last two assignments I received 5/5.  I usually got 4/5 so it was great to actually feel like I couldn’t go any higher.  My American Civilization class is going well. I take my mid-term tomorrow. I haven’t studied AT ALL! I keep procrastinating. Don’t know why. grrr… I’ll study RIGHT AFTER THIS… probably not. I’ll find something to take my focus… like cleaning my room.. owh, looks bad. FOCUS! Anyway, yes, I’m doing really well.  My last test I got a 40/50 and my first essay was a 50/50. Yeay!   No I just need to knock his socks off in the mid-term tomorrow and I’ll be fantastic!  My GPA is really great this term. Owh, other than the fact that I need to turn in my sketch book to my teacher in my art class. Dang! Okay, but other than that, I’m doing really well.

On another front, I’ve made friends with my room mates. Love them to death! Totally fun!   I’ve opened up to them and that made all the difference. It’s comforting knowing they still love me.  It seems like the friends who I’ve not exposed my whole self to are the ones I’m struggling with.  I’ve let one of my friends go, her drama was far too much for me. She wigged out when I sent her a text message this morning at 8:30am. Dude, most people have their phones on SILENT or VIBRATE when they sleep. Sorry my text woke you.  But yeah, she freaked out over me telling her a small bit of stress I had going on as apposed to me always listening to her.  She was like “It’s always about you” blah blah blah. When in all reality, every time I talk to her it’s “I’m related to this famous person. I know this famous person.” or “someone is dying. someone’s going to jail. My life is over” blah blah blah…

Now this is a drastic change in my life.  Normally drama seemed to flow all around me. But since moving to my new apartment and being busy with school and work I honestly can’t stand to have anyone elses drama around me but my own. And my own drama I tend to keep rather to myself – sometimes I don’t even recognize my own drama.  Like the time my co-worker accused me of having an affair with a co-worker, who is married by the way.  Yeah, she told this to my boss and my boss’s boss in attempts to have me fired.  I’m a threat.  Yeah, my co-worker is psyco. BUT – I was able to, in the most part, laugh it off (after 2 days of freaking out that I may be fired, not because it was true but due to the pure fact that she and I don’t get along.)

Anyway, my therapist was rather shocked when I told her and wasn’t phased by it.  I shouldn’t speak to loudly over this because this may just be one of Heavenly Father’s learning curves and I may end up having to experience something 10 million times worse.  Speaking of my therapist, we’ve widdled down the frequency of our visits.  I’m now seeing her once a month.  The month of October I met with the bishop once a week also… I’m now seeing him once a month. Life is going really well!!

So, anyway, work is good – well, it has its stressful moments. School is good too.  Love life? Well it erm… uh…

Yeah, the guy that my room mate was dating (see post about room mate’s ex) came back into the picture… He asked if I’d marry him! WHAT!? Yeah, I asked him why he asked and he said it was just to see where he stood.  Dude, I didn’t mean I wanted to marry him that moment! We’d not even been on a first date, technically.  It’d been a whole month since the room mate walking in thing and I hadn’t heard from him and then he pops back up for another 3 weeks, wanting to date me and another girl casually. NO! I dumped him.  3 weeks goes by. He sees his bishop, tells him about me and his bishop says that he should take me on dates then choose.  Has he done that since? No… well he tried… once… we went on a drive up the canyon. Everything was going quite well until I kissed him and he FREAKED OUT when I pushed him away.  My bishop gave me a set of rules to keep me safe. “Don’t kiss guys longer than 10 seconds” well I didn’t tell hi this and when the thought came into my head I quickly tried to push him away – but he didn’t want to let go.  When he finally stopped he was angry and quiet.  He quickly drove back to my apartment.  I asked if he was mad at me and he said no, that he would have told me if he was.  He was mad at himself because he didn’t have the control he wished he’d had to stop kissing me.

Well I go home, he doesn’t talk to me for 2 weeks.  I decide to move on.  Just as I’m starting to move on Rob shows back up.  He comes over, we’re sitting on the couch, I’m not even flirting and I’m far from being affectionate to him.  Well he tries to hold my hand and I got up and go to my room to give him the paper of the rules the bishop gave to me to give to him.  He responded well to them.  The only problem was his next reaction.  He kissed me.  I pushed him away and very seriously confronted him.  “I know how you felt 2 weeks ago. You have no idea how I felt.  It’s been 2 weeks.  I figured that was it and we were moving on. What do you want!”  He apologized.  We talked… kissed some more, then I kicked him out.  As he was on his way home he called to tell me that he’d come up with ideas. 1) Don’t be alone.  We need to go out with other people. 2) Lets just be friends for now and then be in a relationship.

Okay, we’ve already been at relationship status.  Every time we try to do the friend thing, it doesn’t work.  But I agreed to it… This is my chance to move on.  I asked if I could date other people and he said okay.

Since then I’ve been on a date with one guy from my ward.  It went really well.  We just went out to dinner and then ice cream. Talked the whole time. So much fun!  He knew about my situation with him and was the first to bounce on the “We’re just friends now” response.

There are a few men I’d like to ask out or start something with.  But I want to be pursued.  I deserve it!  I’ve been doing all the work now, it’s time for them to come to me! I’m hot! I’m funny! I’m a good person! I’m just going to sit back and let them come.  I’ve flirted a bit with the men I’m interested in – and yes obvious flirting – hold their hand while I sit on the couch resting my head on their chest… giving them really nice, lingering goodbye hugs when they come over. Yeah, it’s their turn to make the move if they want to.

So yes, this is my life right now… The life of One LDS Girl From Provo.