Hard Times, But Hopeful

I’ve had a few trials of a life time already this year. My health seems to be one that’s not going to let up soon. I’d decided I was going to move, I moved into a condo with a friend’s sister and then woke up one morning unable to feel my legs or bend without pain. My situation was diagnosed a month later as disc herniation. Though it is mild-moderate, it still hurts like none other. I had also been training to join the military again. I think this is possibly Heavenly Father’s way of telling me “no”. Did I want to listen? “no.”… Instead I went to meet with a recruiter with the Navy and was sexually harassed by my recruiter. I was speaking with a guy at the time that I was madly in love with who is serving over seas – a Seabee in the Navy, stationed in Farah, Afghanistan. I told him and he called my recruiter’s office 10,000 miles away to yell at my recruiter’s boss. Thankfully the recruiter who had sexually harassed me had to call me not but 20 minutes later to apologize.
My thoughts as of now to joining the military have been extinguished. I no longer feel the desire to do so. To get into shape, yes, but join, no. The only desire I have to be a part of the military is working as a civilian or being a military wife. I only want one man hitting on me for the rest of my life and that man had better be my husband.

I’ve been going to a physical therapist close to home, they’re teaching me exercises to do and they hurt, but I push through the pain. I end up feeling it the next morning. My doctor believes that this injury is caused by my job. Meaning I will have to go in and file a worker’s compensation claim Tuesday when I get back to work. I am a graphic designer and sit for 8+ hours at a desk every day.

On top of the added stress of physical health I almost lost my job. I was seeing many doctors and my work was suffering. They decided to let me go. I begged them for a second chance and ended up on probation for 4 weeks. I just got through my 4th week on Friday. Hopefully things will go better and I will be able to keep my job a little longer.

The guy I was madly in love with went from talking marriage on Sunday to telling me we needed to slow down on Monday. Why? Because of stress… What stress you may ask? … War. He’s being over worked with little time to relax and having to worry about me – sexually harassed by recruiters and other things like that – isn’t what he needs right now. To be fair, we’ve never met and in 3 months we went really fast. He still has 6 months left and slowing down probably is a good idea. I just need to allow myself to see other men. Right now, if I was to be face to face with an attractive man who was genuinely interested in me, I’d probably not even notice. I spent last week crying over him… He says it’s ok if I do choose to date and ok if I don’t. I don’t but I know I should… When this all happened I was planning to send him a care package filled with his favorite candy bars, the April edition of the Ensign, DVDs of “Finding Nemo” and “The Sandlot”, and a copy of “The Holy Temple”. Tuesday I was writing the letter for his package debating on what I should say now that he wanted to slow things down… I got the feeling I needed to do something for him that I still would have done even if this hadn’t happened. I put my pen down, grabbed my bag, and drove over to the Distribution Center in Orem. A few weeks ago while we spoke on Skype he told me how he’d had sacrament that day in one of the extra storage sheds. Just he and another person. There are no other LDS people on his base. He picked up his humble scriptures and showed them to me. 4 military edition books duct taped together and on his duct taped cover it read “Mormon Battle Stories.”
I went straight to the shelf, picked up a compact quad and bought it along with a carrying case. For a little extra I had his name engraved on them. I sent the package the very next day.

If that wasn’t bad enough my roommate was being evicted for not paying rent. We (there are 3 of us) are all on 1 contract. The condo we live in is $850 a month. We’ve split the rent and the one with the master bedroom paid more. She was the one with the bigger lump sum. So she was evicted and we had to find someone to replace her before the 1st. It was a blessing in disguise when the first girl who came to see the place decided she wanted to move in right then and there. What a blessing! In any way, God was watching out for us with that. I’m almost thinking it’s meant to be that she live with us. She’s a sweet girl and I think I’ve already found a friend to go to my new ward with.

Today I am trying to just get through the day. The Spanish speaking missionaries just stopped by to see if anyone here spoke Spanish. I sure don’t. My last name is Spanish, but I’m as American as they come. I took their card and number just in case I do meet someone who speaks Spanish in my area. I don’t know anyone here. When the missionaries came only one thought came rushing to my head “My new ward has never seen me and they know my last name. They probably think I wont come because I’m Spanish.”
I wont come because I was outcast in my last ward and it’s taking all of me just to have faith that things will be okay. The day I moved out of my old apartment my stupid, cruel roommates used my bedroom as a garbage dump. I didn’t even get my deposit back from my old apartment complex. In fact they’re charging me $35 along with taking my deposit. They can kiss my butt if they want it, they’re not getting a dime from me!

I need hope, I need faith that there are good people out there. I’ve met a few, but I’m feeling quite alone right now. I do have hope that things will get better. They can’t all be bad! I got a new roommate and have a job! Right? The positive… Must focus on the positive.

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